Stop Resisting, Just Flow
Let’s start with a deep breath and a reminder that you are exactly where you need to be. We are going to have a conversation right now that may not be the most comfortable but it is definitely necessary.
Growing is hard. There’s a lot of heartache, disappointment, and grieving that can happen on our journeys. So naturally when you feel you have learned something, overcome something or “made it” you’re probably hoping to strap in and enjoy a sense of equilibrium and peace.
But when those growing pains reappear will you lean into the process once again, or resist ?
My ego wants to be known as a great artist and writer, but what if that’s not my destiny? What if my greater purpose, the one that will positively affect the most people and come with ease is something adjacent ? What if what i think is the destination is only a stop on the way? If I resist I will never know.
I went through this while writing In Bloom in 2017
recurring themes
over and over
change
resistance
each lesson
increasingly intense
aren’t you tired
of chewing me up
spitting me out
ripping me apart
flipping me inside out
i’m trying
why cant that be enough,
why cant here be enough?
-she wants more for me, even when i don't want more for myself
Thanks to social media, many of us are craving to SEEM like we have it all together and all figured out. So we fear pivoting, trying something new, failing publicly not realizing it is actually prolonging the journey.
Listening to older generations sometimes grounds me in releasing ideologies I do not want to hold on to.
“But what will everyone think” -who cares?
“But everyone knows me for this” -so what?
Are you going to let the perception of others keep you from fulfilling your unique destiny? Are optical illusions more important than your inner peace?
Life is hard
Choose the path of least resistance
go where there is
Love
Another gem from In Bloom, and a very important lesson. For our own self preservation we need to learn how to extract joy from the world and leave, delete, ignore everything else. Staying in situations that are bad for you, leading to burnout, and deteriorating your mental wellness in not a sign of strength and endurance. I heard somewhere this week, pretty sure it was this podcast, that the inability to put yourself first is a sign of negative self image. You don’t think you are worthy of being prioritized and so you put an unhealthy amount of things above your self.
I worry for small business owners that have reached a certain amount of visibility at entrepreneurs. I pray that all of our businesses flourish forever but during the impossible season where hard decisions must be made, will you be able to hear what your soul is asking for louder than what you think the world needs to see from you?
When I resigned from teaching, my first season was smooth. I had put 10K in savings (which felt like a lot in 2018 when my rent for a 2 bedroom was $950) Everyday I feel like I received confirmation that I was on the right path. Opportunities were flowing. But then I wanted to move to the city, get a loft and find more opportunities. Rent was now $2200 and the stakes were MUCH higher.
Reyna in 2018
The work load to pay ratio became unsustainable, I raised my prices but I wasn’t landing clients for that budget right away. My mental health was failing because I was constantly stressed and worried I wouldn’t book enough commission clients to make my rent. It had been a year since I had traveled because I was afraid to spend any money on pleasure. When my savings was close to being wiped out I knew I needed to make a decision.
But the goal was to be a full time freelance artists so if I sought out supplementary income, wouldn’t that mean I had failed? No.
I took a part time job doing graphic design for a male vitamin brands amazon and e-commerce https://mantfup.com (lol as you can tell that was not in alignment with my art style or purpose) and later worked a few days a week at a print shop. It got me through the tough season so that I could restore a sense of stability and further fuel my dreams. I realized, although it wasn’t a secret it wasn’t like people even knew I was working another job, and I also realized I was Reyna no matter what, I was an artist no matter what. The idea that my worth only comes from how successful I can be as an entrepreneur is kind of dangerous.
Even now things are better, but what if I want to be something different, do something different? I will always give myself permission to change, expand, and pivot? I love myself enough to allow her that freedom.
Quiet the noise, learn to listen to your soul so that you know the difference between pivoting and giving up too soon, when you are in flow and the universe is flowing with you there will be a sense of ease and peace. I want that for you.
Mantra: I am exactly where I need to be, I flow and evolve confidently loving each part of the journey.
With Love.
Rey